Breaking Soul Ties

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I am writing this post at 5:35 am on a Sunday morning and lately this is where God has been meeting me. He’s been speaking to me and giving me all kinds of messages. For the past two weeks, I have gone to bed early and found myself waking up in the middle of the night or early in the AM. If I am not praying when I get up, I’m jotting down notes and thoughts from the most intimate parts of my mind.

Growing up the daughter of two pastors my parents have warned me about soul ties.  “Monique no premarital sex or you’ll get a soul tie ” or “Monique be careful who you talk to you don’t want to get a soul tie” yada– yada– yada. So I have heard about this spiritual connection my entire life especially from a religious standpoint. But I never really knew what it was until I experienced it for myself.

I think this particular message, soul ties, has been in the works for years.  I’ve seen it play out on shows like: Girlfriends, Being Mary Jane and Sex in the City. I’ve listened to my friends agonize over it too. Every single person in humanity has or will deal with a soul tie. Whether they know it or not.

Before I decided to discuss this subject I wanted to make sure that I not only gave my own perspective, but that of those around me. I wanted this post to be objective and informative. I am naturally curious, ask a million questions and love to hear the way people think. So I asked some male and female friends a few questions: What do you think is a soul tie? Do you think you’ve ever had one? What did you do to break it?  I got back some interesting answers, touching testimonials and some feedback from people who didn’t even know what a soul tie was. After doing a little digging and searching we all agreed there is a person(s) that we share a soul tie with. Some connections were fruitful and others were so damaging it was time to start over and move on.

So what exactly is a soul tie? My understanding says it’s a link in the spiritual realm between two people. It can either be beneficial or detrimental. It goes beyond a special connection – It’s intimate, intense and strong. It’s a figurative entanglement of the souls of two people. A soul tie can be all-consuming. Something so heavily rooted that you become one with another person.

The concept is deep.

Have you ever found yourself tormented by the thought of someone? Excessively wondered about your ex? Ever been trapped in the memories of what was? Does the mere mention of their name send you into an emotional frenzy? Are you bound by your sexual excursions and can’t seem to shake the taste? Have you made wreckless decisions based on him or her and didn’t care who got hurt in the process—including yourself? This is a BAD soul tie. It’s being in the wrong relationship, knowing it and still not wanting to move on.

Per a little research, I discovered that soul ties are formed through close friendships, vows, commitments, memories and physical intimacy.

Want to know the quickest way to get your soul tied up? Try having sex. It will get you attached and connected to someone quicker than you know. Your souls will intertwine with or without your permission. Imagine it taking years or even a lifetime to break chains from a few moments of pleasure. Sex is one of the most intimate activities you can share with another person. You are naked (literally and figuratively). You are allowing someone to enter into your body and share fluids with you. You are exchanging energy and frequencies. Sex is so powerful you can be invested in a dead end relationship just cause the sex was good. With no other basis for a real relationship this is an ingredient for a disaster. When most people are looking for casual sex and pleasurable moments they don’t consider the spiritual consequences that may come. You can literally take on the spirits and habits of your partner from one, two, or three..encounters.

The next tie is memories. Those good times at your favorite ice cream parlor or quick trip to the beach will surely keep you bound. Thinking about what yall used to do? Having flashbacks of how he used to sleep? You still remember how he smells? His favorite cologne? Your first date? The places you planned on going?  Reminiscing on memories is like putting stakes in the ground that will keep you stationary and stifled. There is nothing worse than holding on to what was when they have moved on or don’t care. You’re so caught up in the good times (overlooking the bad ones) that it is making it hard to progress. I remember I went on a date (after reluctantly thrusting myself back into the dating scene) and everything was going great. The guy was handsome, smelled real good and he took the time to plan out every detail of an amazing evening. He was a great catch and the perfect gentleman. Physically I was having a good time, smiling and engaging.  But mentally and spiritually I was in another place. So I might as well have been absent. I was thinking about my ex the entire time. Wishing I was there with him. Thinking about how we used to go to restaurants on that same street. Secretly wishing I would bump into him. Needless to say I was a MESS. It went beyond just missing him (which is normal) I was completely sabotaging a potential relationship cause I was stubbornly holding onto the past. He was consuming my thoughts. I was so confused and couldn’t even figure out what I was still holding on to.

Next, are close relationships. It’s so easy to cultivate relationships with people and invest all of your time and energy. This is true for friendships and relationships. When you get in the routine of having someone in your life and they disappear it’s like you go through shock. It’s similar to grieving a death. Some relationships and friendships are supposed to be for a lifetime or season. Either way they are meant to teach you something.  This soul tie can be a little more difficult to navigate through.

So the next question is how do we break unhealthy soul ties?

The first step is acknowledging you have one and doing the work. Whether you call it a soul tie, unhealthy relationship or toxic connection they are all the same. They are keeping you in a place where you can’t flourish or move on. Even crappy relationships are ordained to broaden our perspectives. We have to stop trying to put back together things that God has clearly broken apart.

6 Ways to Break Soul Ties:

▪   Pray: Prayer changes all things. Pray without ceasing.

▪   Talk it Out: See a counselor to help you determine the core of your issues and inability to let go. Talk to someone who can help you sort out your feelings.

▪   Remember Why You Broke Up: My good friend Tiffany reminded me of an episode in the first season of Being Mary Jane. Mary Jane had a quote by the late Maya Angelou on her mirror that read: “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” When you are overwhelmed with wanting to be with someone and can’t shake it, remember why you broke up or went your separate ways in the first place.

▪   Meditate:  Find your center and do daily affirmations. It’s helps to calm the spirit.

▪   Disappear: Cut them off. Unfollow them on social media. Don’t lurk (see my previous article). Block their number. Change your number. Leave no lines open for communication. Disappear into thin air.

▪   Get your mind right. You have the power to do anything you put your mind to; like moving on. You just have to find the courage to do it. Be strong and go find yourself.

Now, just like there are unhealthy soul ties there are healthy ones too. Those ties are meant to edify and uplift us. God intended for us to have meaningful relationships. And I do believe there can be soul ties that are designed to help you get to the next level. Those relationships help illuminate your frequency and make you shine brighter.

When you engage in covenants with people you can never decipher the condition of someone’s soul until you get to know them. Spirits are transferable so make sure that you deal with people worth the connection. If you are bound by a previous relationship (romantic or platonic) it takes hard work and it won’t be easy, but do the work to be set free.

Also, listen to this post on my podcast: One| Mo| Minute.

Monique Mitchell

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